Thursday Roundup: Seig Health! x2, Zombie Warnings

  • How pathetic do you think you are when you have to tell people your job is “smoking ban enforcer.” Perhaps their business cards can read “Professional Snitch.” I suppose “Smoking Stormtrooper” is out of the question, even if it’s most accurate. Regardless, good to see the city has its priorities straight. Seig Health!
  • Think I was exaggerating in my D feature about where city level health commisars are going? New York mayor Michael Bloomberg is now going after salt. Salt. For real. Start the countdown until those who want Dallas to be a “world class city” to follow suit.

Comments

  1. Amanda says:

    I do know better…the zombies heard about the new Thriller musical…

  2. Bear says:

    Remember: Fire is the most effective way of dealing with viral zombies after beheading. Chemical waste zombies on the other hand should be dealt with using standard HAZMAT neutralization protocols after they’ve been beheaded.

    Use of deadly force against zombies created with Haitian Voudon methods is only authorized if they present an imminent threat as specified under local self defense rules… Otherwise they should be taken into protective custody and hospitalized until fully detoxified in a competent drug rehab clinic.

    Magickally created zombies should be taken down using whatever means available, then the remains cleansed and neutralized. Consult a local Wiccan or Neopagan for proper and effective methodologies that will accomplish the necessary cleansing.

  3. Frank says:

    I am surprised that Bloomberg did not suggest taxing salt content, much as NY is planning on doing with soft drinks in an attempt to blunt the alleged impact of soft drinks on obesity levels.
    According to studies done on high blood pressure many individuals to not respond to a reduction in dietary salt. In fact in nature’s very politically incorrect manner, a reduction in salt has no impact on some groups. Apparently not all body chemistry is equal.

  4. You do realize that hacking TXDOT computers to generate topics for your internet blog probably violates some journalistic ethics, right?

  5. Tex says:

    Zombies… I love it… we need more Zombies and less regulation on the salt content of food we CHOOSE to order…

  6. Max Girth says:

    Smoking Stormtroopers (smokestaffel?) personnel could use the same runic double “S” symbol of their snappy-dressing predecessors.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. [...] Sources close to the Texas Department of Transportation tell me they suspect the sudden influx of zombies can be directly linked to an announcement made just days ago regarding the production of a new musical based on the Michael Jackson album “Thriller” and the video for the title track which features several hundred dancing zombies. [...]