Stop Worrying and Learn to Love the Swine Flu


Special message for those of you wringing your hands and wearing a surgical mask like an asshole…

- A toddler in Texas has died of the swine flu
- Mexico’s infection and death estimates continue to climb
- The World Health Organization has raised it’s pandemic warning from 5 to 6, the top of the scal

These three items have ruled headlines for the past 24 hours.

However here are a few other things that are going on that you may not have heard

- 36,000 people die every year from the regular flu.
- Since I wrote my article on Monday, 1 person in the United States has died from swine flu.
- The tally in the last three days: Swine Flu: 1, Real Flu: 295.

I mentioned in my last update that only 18 deaths had been confirmed to have been from Swine Flu, and that the other figures were estimates. That confirmed total has since been revised downward to 7. To quote Stratfor’s reaction to this data:
“There is still a lack of information regarding the particulars about this new pathogen; but if it has killed only seven people after two months of spreading in a country with somewhat limited health care services, perhaps its virulence is not so harsh after all, even if its communicability is impressive.

Read the rest on Fark.


  1. Daniel says:

    It’s better to wear a surgical mask like an asshole than to wear an asshole like a surgical mask.

  2. JD says:

    I’ve been following the DMN blogs closely on this issue, so now that I’ve stuffed my papier-mache bird’s beak mask full of cloves and dropped a mega hit of vitamin D for good measure I should be good to go. To go down to Mexico, I mean, where just in time for Cinco de Mayo I’ll single-handedly restart the whole country which reliable sources report has been completely shut down except for essential services. Then I’ll be made a national hero and march in triumph across the Plaza de la Constitution, bird’s beak mask pointed high and proud, before collecting my hero’s fee, 90% of the $10 billion in emergency funds President Obama will rush to President Calderon to fight the flu or whatever he feels like doing with it. So I feel fairly good about things. How about you?

  3. amanda says:

    My take is this…our culture has moved into a “squeaky wheel” mode. Everything is a crisis, and has to be. The sheep-ple like to think that the government can fix…everything. Our president was a “community organizer”…that’s what he did, respond to a crisis as reported by the locals.

    We’ve had two major bailout, stuffed, ironically with pork. Those bailouts significanly moved an agenda forward, make no mistake about it. This health crisis has the potential to move universal health forward. It’s a trumped up “crisis” to suit a purpose. Period.

  4. Daniel says:

    And in another irony, Governor Perry has has issued a disaster declaration for the State of Texas, meaning he will be seeking federal monies to combat the blame li’l critter.

    So I guess he’s in on the conspiracy. Slipp’ry bastids!

  5. Spamboy says:

    To be really picky on the details, yes, one person in the United States has died of Swine Flu. However, they weren’t a citizen. So some news outlets and Ron Pauls are reporting that no American has died of the A-pork-calypse. Therefore, news confusion reigns!

  6. amanda says:

    @Daniel…Slick Rick only acts like a part of the union when it suits his purpose.

    Conspiracy? Did I say that? No… It’s a culture thang.

  7. Daniel says:

    When he’s not sniggering at Dad’s potbelly, Slick Rick gets really angry with him at the family dinner table, crying out in rage mingled with raw tears, I hate you! I can’t believe I have to have you for a dad! I’m leaving and never coming back! Never! (slams door)

    Later that night, our boy Rick stands bathed in the refrigerator’s light, stuffing his face with celery, olives, Gouda cheese, leftover Welsh rarebit, anything.

    [from a forthcoming screenplay treatment, Oh! That Guv’nor!]

  8. Rawlins Gilliland says:

    What me worry?
    My wallet was stolen last night (in a ‘good’ part of town) and so I had to go to the Driver’s License office for a new one. It was like a cross between Ellis Island and Katrina. I didn’t even bother washing my hands. In that place, it was like sleep-walking in a tubercular ward. (After a three day bender at drunken orgy political rallies at topless bars doing shots of Wild Turkey and chain smoking Doral menthols.)

  9. amanda says:

    I weep for our future.

  10. keith johnson says:

    amanda on April 30th, 2009 8:02 pm I weep for our future.

    I weep that we may have no future.

  11. amanda says:

    Lighten up, Keith…I was only weeping that Rawlins can’t go to a nice part of town…

    That will teach Rawlins to stick to Lee Harvey’s and Chicken and Things.

  12. Daniel says:

    I laugh because we have no future — you hear me? Laugh!

    (turns head, lip quivers)

  13. MaxGirth says: