Jesus Tap Dancing Christ — Seriously?

“I’d describe it as unfriendly,” said John Lamb, who lives across the street from the new $3.5 million home and its (8-foot) fence.

You know what’s even more unfriendly, John? Pissy little neighbors who won’t mind their own goddamn business. Hell, if I lived in Dallas my fence would be 12 feet high, topped with razor wire, and lined with Claymores.

“We feel it’s incompatible with the neighborhood,” said Lamb. “To have a fence like that forms a barrier.”

Who wouldn’t want a barrier from neighbors like that?


  1. Paladin says:

    If I spent 3.5 million dollars on a new home, obtained a special “exception” from the city for my fence, and then paid for that fence to be installed – I would be seriously opposed to anyone raising any kind of stink about it now.

    I would imagine that the board wil tell them to remove the fence, especially now that the home owner has said they will do so if asked. It will be easier to have them remove it than listen to the whining and complaining of the nosey neighbors.

    If I were the homeowner, though, I would then make it my sworn duty to irritate and aggrevate the complaining neighbors in every way legally possible – for the rest of their lives.

  2. Destiny says:

    If that homeowner does not start fetching his paper every morning in the nude from now on he’s missing out on a golden opportunity to teach those idiot neighbors a lesson. “You wanna remove some barriers, John? Why stop at the fence?”

  3. Tim Lebsack says:

    sucks to have neighbors

  4. towski says:

    God, it sucks being a social creature. Why can’t humans just roam the wilderness seeking prey?

  5. Why can’t they mind their own business and leave their neighbors alone to what they want with their own property, provided it doesn’t scare the horses or corrupt children?

  6. Tom says:

    Good fences make good neighbors, which is why the city has a guideline for what makes a good fence and what doesn’t.
    But we’re not supposed to let the government tell us what to do.

  7. Daniel says:

    I think they should take down the fence and install Astroturf. High-grade, of course.

  8. Tom says:

    Good idea, Daniel. Lamb should count his lucky stars that Bluffview isn’t a historic district.

  9. John says:

    Perhaps you could paint a series McMansions on the fence to help it fit in the neighborhood?

  10. Peterk says:

    sorry trey but I have to disagree the fence is does not fit into the neighborhood.

  11. I will never understand the urban mindset.

  12. Anonymous says:

    “Hell, if I lived in Dallas my fence would be 12 feet high, topped with razor wire, and lined with Claymores.”

    With your personality, you’d need that and more.

  13. Anonymous says:

    Welcome to North Dallas….The Center of the Universe… for the Anal Retentive.

  14. Anonymous says:

    @ Anonymous 1

    “Hell, if I lived in Dallas my fence would be 12 feet high, topped with razor wire, and lined with Claymores.”

    With your personality, you’d need that and more.”

    Guard Towers with 50 cal. machine guns…don’t forget the Guard Towers!

  15. Sam says:

    Raxor wire and claymores? I don’t know, call me old-fashioned, but what ever happened to iron spikes and broken glass mortared into the top of the wall?

  16. Daniel says:

    I’m often the first to gratuitously dump on McMansions and North Dallas — for the same reason Trey dumps on his more suave, breezily urbane and undeniably good-looking neighbors to the south, because it’s fun and easy — but the Bluffview area is really very tastefully done. And I’m not sure if it qualifies as North Dallas exactly.

    And Vines & Catttle, I will never understand the rural mindset. Where do you go for a walk after dinner*?

    * If I don’t reveal this bon mot as that of Woody Allen, I’m a plagiarist. If I do, I may as well hand Vines & Cattle a platter of ripostes**.

    ** No, it’s not some kind of livestock testicles, or brains, or whatever it is the quaint rustics are eating these days.

  17. I hear they’re good with gravy.

  18. Back when I lived in Rural north Texas …after dinner we might walk to the end of our driveway and back…about a half mile each way.