Captain Sully Doesn’t Want TSA Groping His Junk, Either

And this is a man with a pair on him that clang like church bells, they’re so big.

So the TSA says if you don’t want to step into the we-can-see-you-naked x-ray machine, you’ve got to let a gloved TSA employee run a hand over your lady or gentleman parts, all in the name of airport security.

But wait! In steps every American’s favorite pilot, the Hudson splash-landing hero of Flight 1549 fame, Sully Sullenberger, to say, you know what? Keep your hands to yourselves. “I can tell you from my perspective as an airline pilot for three decades, this just isn’t an effective use of our resources.”

Sully gracefully glided into the story just as the cable nets were whipping themselves into a junk-touching frenzy over the camera phone video of passenger John Tyner’s run in with the TSA at San Diego’s airport, telling agents he considered the uber-sensitive search to be, essentially, a sexual assault, advising agents (and creating a phrase that pays) “don’t touch my junk.”