Captain Sully Doesn’t Want TSA Groping His Junk, Either

And this is a man with a pair on him that clang like church bells, they’re so big.

So the TSA says if you don’t want to step into the we-can-see-you-naked x-ray machine, you’ve got to let a gloved TSA employee run a hand over your lady or gentleman parts, all in the name of airport security.

But wait! In steps every American’s favorite pilot, the Hudson splash-landing hero of Flight 1549 fame, Sully Sullenberger, to say, you know what? Keep your hands to yourselves. “I can tell you from my perspective as an airline pilot for three decades, this just isn’t an effective use of our resources.”

Sully gracefully glided into the story just as the cable nets were whipping themselves into a junk-touching frenzy over the camera phone video of passenger John Tyner’s run in with the TSA at San Diego’s airport, telling agents he considered the uber-sensitive search to be, essentially, a sexual assault, advising agents (and creating a phrase that pays) “don’t touch my junk.”


  1. Roger Kaputnik says:

    The TSA launched their new Program to Examine Random Voyagers (PERV) today, and many travelers are pissed off. SHOCKING details at:

    Peace! :-)

  2. angry flier says:

    I’m a little worried. My daughter says that the boy down the street wants to play “TSA” with her.

  3. keith johnson says:

    Now it seems that leaving the area “without permission” can lead to crimnal and civil retaliation.
    Whats happening in this country is getting scary.

  4. Big Brother says:

    Don’t worry, citizens. Civilian reaction to this issue has made us reconsider. Expect changes in TSA policy soon. Meanwhile, we will continue groping your internet mail. HAHAHA! NSA ALL THE WAY!