Soap: The Yardstick of Civilization

Use this. Or he will kick your ass.

Use this. Or he will kick your ass.

As a magazine writer who sees how the sausage is made, I’m acutely attuned to spotting when some politically correct cause is dressed up as a fashion trend.

As Jack Shafer at Slate notes every week — “How does a journalist count? One, two, trend” and “The plural of  ‘anecdote’ is ‘trend’” — journalism is utter crap when it tries to report on trends. But it’s generally naive, lazy crap.

When it’s environmental extremism sold as a fashion trend thing, well, it’s naive crap with a purpose. And there’s nothing more odorous.

Esquire‘s “Ten Reasons Why I Don’t Shower” and The New York Times’ “The Great Unwashed” try to push it as mainly about being natural. The Guardian — twat-fodder for the great pseudo-intellectual left — is a little more honest about why they’re pushing this stink upon us.

There are, of course, environmental benefits. In a bid to reduce his carbon footprint to the absolute minimum, environmentalist Donnachadh McCarthy, 51, limits his showers to about twice a week. “The rest of the time I have a sink wash,” he says. “I believe that I’m as clean as everyone else.” It has helped him to get his water consumption down to around 20 litres a day – well below the 100 to 150 average in the UK.

Look, I don’t care how much water it wastes or that you think have a great natural aroma.

You don’t.

Everyone in the world except me and The Wife (and I’m not too sure about me) smells like sour cheese and feet. I don’t want to get to know your unique scent. No, it’s not enough to give yourself a quick whore’s bath and swipe a lemon under your arm. It’s awful.

Bathing is a relatively new thing in human history? So effing what? So are antibiotics, cell phones and computers. Deal with it and be a little more considerate to your fellow humans.

Smelly, dirty hippie is not the next fashion trend.

Grab some soap and get to work.


  1. FrankR says:

    Wonderful, thousands of years of advancement in personal hygiene and health are going to be set back by luddite environmentalists. For crying out loud, does it never occur to such dolts that it might be better to figure out how to clean and recycle water for such use? Oh, wait, that might require some kind of energy, fossil fuel even. That would be horrible. Shoot animals wash themselves off in puddles and streams. Why not people? As long as everyone lives upstream, what’s the problem?

  2. tim_lebsack says:

    Less than 10% of water usage is household.
    If you want civilization to thrive, bathe.