
Here’s your sample confession form. Check all that apply, submit so you can be re-educated.
I, [STATE YOUR NAME], denounce myself for being a thought criminal and surrender into the hands of progressive justice at flag@whitehouse.gov. My crimes include:
[ ] In a private conversation with my spousal unit I expressed doubts about the appropriateness of a one-party rule.
[ ] I was hesitant in repeating the party directive: American health care is worse than any other western democracy.
[ ] At the time of this year’s inauguration I hesitated to grovel at the feet of the Supreme Leader Obama.
[ ] I worried that Leader is trying to take too much power.
[ ] I once worried that “getting past bipartisanship” might mean more than just the expected re-education camps.
[ ] I worried that there might be more in the ObamaCare bill than I was told.
[ ] I had a moment’s doubt about whether it’s appropriate for the arts to become a tool of state propaganda.
I confess to my crimes and ask the mercy of the state and Leader.
Here’s one you don’t hear about much these days — when we’re told Henry Louis Gates’ arrest for failing to show the proper obsequiousness to a Cambridge police officer warranted his arrest.
Okay, so comes word that since Monday,
And what guy hasn’t been in a restroom where some dude started leering at him? Guess what. You walk away. These sad sacks cruising the restrooms are looking for like minds, not a confrontation. You do your business and get out. Seriously, what guy makes a point of looking at other dudes to see if they’re checking him out?
I watch them. Groping, dirty apes. I watch what they do. And I watch how ordinary people – you know, you free citizens as we used to say without irony – react in to these little people with big badges on their hollow or otherwise obese chests.
We queue up like farm animals. Strip our shoes, open our bags for searches without warrant or cause, and have our private things and bodies pawed and handled by people you wouldn’t let in your house or even shake your hand. We humble ourselves before government employees who we have come to fear because of the enormous and arbitrary power they have over us to force us to undergo even further humiliations — strip searches, pat down, delays created on a whim that can ruin your travel plans.