Use this. Or he will kick your ass.

As a magazine writer who sees how the sausage is made, I’m acutely attuned to spotting when some politically correct cause is dressed up as a fashion trend.

As Jack Shafer at Slate notes every week — “How does a journalist count? One, two, trend” and “The plural of  ‘anecdote’ is ‘trend’” — journalism is utter crap when it tries to report on trends. But it’s generally naive, lazy crap.

When it’s environmental extremism sold as a fashion trend thing, well, it’s naive crap with a purpose. And there’s nothing more odorous.

Esquire‘s “Ten Reasons Why I Don’t Shower” and The New York Times’ “The Great Unwashed” try to push it as mainly about being natural. The Guardian — twat-fodder for the great pseudo-intellectual left — is a little more honest about why they’re pushing this stink upon us.

There are, of course, environmental benefits. In a bid to reduce his carbon footprint to the absolute minimum, environmentalist Donnachadh McCarthy, 51, limits his showers to about twice a week. “The rest of the time I have a sink wash,” he says. “I believe that I’m as clean as everyone else.” It has helped him to get his water consumption down to around 20 litres a day – well below the 100 to 150 average in the UK.

Look, I don’t care how much water it wastes or that you think have a great natural aroma.

You don’t.

Everyone in the world except me and The Wife (and I’m not too sure about me) smells like sour cheese and feet. I don’t want to get to know your unique scent. No, it’s not enough to give yourself a quick whore’s bath and swipe a lemon under your arm. It’s awful.

Bathing is a relatively new thing in human history? So effing what? So are antibiotics, cell phones and computers. Deal with it and be a little more considerate to your fellow humans.

Smelly, dirty hippie is not the next fashion trend.

Grab some soap and get to work.