Schadenfraught in Austin: Hoisted by His Own Petard

It’s a truism that almost all government-mandated licensing and regulation is codified not for the “protection of the public.” Almost to a rule, the regulations are pushed by players in an industry to create barriers to entry and to quash competition. This is true whether you’re talking about licensing of hair stylists, interior decorators, medical professionals or whatever.

Almost every function, inspection and quality assurance could be carried out by independent, third-party inspectors — think Underwriter’s Lab. Restaurant inspections, certifications and so on — all could be carried out without the force of law and with greater efficiency. The very image of a city restaurant inspector is a fat guy on the take. Competition would keep those giving out seals of approval honest.

That’s why this case out of Austin is so Schadenfraught.

I Believe the Germans Have a Word for This

| February 11, 2011

Incumbent food truck magnate in Austin develops totally-civic-minded-and-not-at-all-protectionist “health, safety and environmental concerns” over a massive increase in the number trucks that have sprung up to compete with him . . .

. . . demands city council pass stricter regulations of his own industry . . .

. . . now faces a bureaucratic nightmare as his own fleet of trucks can’t pass the regulations he insisted were necessary to protect the public.

Open Letter to the Parent Yapping at My Coaching

Clearly I should defer to your demands. I’ve only spent five hours a week for the past two months trying to get your little couch potato to move her rear end at something more than first gear. What do I know?

And let me tell you, it really helps when you yell to your kid “Great job!” every time she moves her feet in the general direction of the ball. I mean, it’s not like it makes any real praise for extra effort meaningless when everything your princess does gets a “Great job!”

Screen shot 2010-06-17 at 6.31.30 AMNothing helps make the world your oyster like an inflated sense of unearned self-esteem and wholly unrealistic expectations of the praise the world owes you.

See where I’m going here?

Look, I yell because I know your kid is capable of better. She has the potential to do a great job.

If I thought she was a complete moron then I wouldn’t expect any better, now would I? I wouldn’t say anything at all.

Yes, they are 7 years old. I know that. What that means is, they aren’t 4 years old. The playing field is not a play ground. I’m not the play facilitator at Romper Room. It’s time to start getting competitive. Most of the other girls on the team are. That’s how the real world works.

And guess what? Kids like being competitive. They care whether they win or lose. They want to do better. They deserve a chance to improve. Coddling them isn’t doing them any kindness.

I yell because I have a loud voice and I know they can do better.

When they hear “Good job” from me, they know I mean it because I don’t toss it out like beads at Mardi Gras. (Which reminds me, by the way, if you don’t get a handle on your kid’s unrealistic self esteem, do expect to see them at Mardi Gras, likely in Girls Gone Wild 26)

I will never fault any of my players for doing their best and falling down. All I ask if that for one game a week and two hours at practice they give me their best effort.

But yes, I am going to tell your precious she’s doing a lousy job if she’s lollygagging around and letting the other girls down. And I will yell at her to throw the ball when she tries to walk it back to the infield after I told her FIVE EFFING TIMES to throw it.

(I’m also yelling because, in case you didn’t notice, a baseball field is pretty large, and I’m trying to be heard over the cheers of the other team. You know the other team — they’re the ones turning a single into three runs because your snowflake can’t THROW THE EFFING BALL.)

Look, my team doesn’t exist to build your kid’s self-esteem. Your kid is there to serve my team. And when any girl half-asses it, she lets all the other girls on the team down.

In conclusion — sit down, shut up, and cheer when we do well.

You know why I’m coaching? Because I love the game, I like these girls, and because I decided last year I didn’t like how my kid was being coached. So if you don’t like my style, start your own team, and I’ll see you next season.

We’ll be the ones beating the socks off your little snowflake.

(NOTE: This is meant to be taken with a grain of salt. Lighten up.)

UPDATE: I love this.

Seriously, People


John Jay Myers Takes on Michael Moore

Also, is it just me, or does Michael Moore increasingly look like a middle-aged lesbian? IJS.

Thursday Roundup: Everyone Leaves Something in the Bathroom

  • The lede of this story is worth the trip.
  • Oh come on. This is the kind of pointless lawsuit that’s sucking all the life out of life. And believe me, I know pointless lawsuits.
  • Meanwhile, this teacher is like something out of Dead Poets Society, only with none of Robin Williams’ annoying antics.
  • Finally, what beautiful spring day would be complete without this?

Thursday Roundup: I Shall Call It the Fing-Longer!

Her last job at a chicken shack paid $139 a week, barely enough to cover her cellphone bill.” This is odd. It’s been my experience that literally every stripper is a business major working towards her MBA and/or law school, not someone who would make questionable choice with personal finance. I’m perplexed, and this requires some research.

Taking the mob contracts Americans won’t take?

Far be it from me to point out how silly all some religious beliefs are. Or maybe not. This lady says her kid shouldn’t have to follow the school dress code and tuck in her shirt because of a Bible verse that says absolutely nothing about tucking in shirts but something about being modest. But whatever. Then it gets weird. The lady is sooo religious that she doesn’t go to church regularly because she doesn’t have a nice dress. What what?

This is getting a little silly with how the city keeps changing its story and paying five figure invoices for studies it claims don’t exist.

I’m not sure there is much left to argue after the case offered by three college professors about how ridiculous it is that constitutional rights are prohibited on college campuses.

Happy Good Friday: Jesus Says Boo-Yah!

Thursday Roundup: Duncanville Führerprinzip and Other Weirdness

Yesterday we got to hear the mayor of McKinney declare that police should be free to harass and arrest people for doing perfectly legal things (click here, second item) if someone nearby happens to be offended. Today we get to see the mayor of Duncanville appoint himself the power to sic police officers on a duly elected representative — councilman Paul Ford — and have that representative silenced. As a bonus, we get to see Duncanville police officers laughing at a man they’ve apparently injured, who was offering absolutely no resistance, and who they refused to arrest at the time — one presumes lest Ford be given cause of civil action, and they be called upon to justify their goonish tactics and slavish obedience. This stinks up one side and down the other. The barbarians aren’t at the gate; the fascists are on the ramparts, by god, and it’s going to get a lot weirder.

Tip: Don’t harm another man’s dog. Protip: Don’t harm a hero Navy SEAL’s dog. You will not escape.

A North Texas woman is the only American in the running for the job of maintaining an paradise island in what sounds a lot like the setup for a Stephen King story where someone ends up wearing the winner’s skin for a coat.

And here we have the creepiest item of the day: mother wants to harvest her dead son’s sperm. Because there aren’t enough fatherless children in this world.

PERSONAL NOTE: Yesterday, I posted a comment about what’s happening to Sgt. Gil Cerda of the DPD. (See Wednesday Roundup, last item.) I had only read the linked story, and had no idea a full hearing had been held and it was far beyond the initial “he said, she said” stage. I spoke out of turn about something I hadn’t done my homework on, and I apologize to readers.

Monday Roundup: Late Edition

Look, I know it’s wrong to stereotype — but recruiting for the Border Patrol at a NASCAR event? What could possibly go wrong?

Calling all fatties — a reality show featuring porcine men and women is casting in Dallas. “More to Love.” Something about showing the joys and love of those courting types 2 diabetes. And they say TV is a wasteland.

You know, maybe the problem isn’t tax professionals versus tax software. Maybe the problem is a tax code that not even the Secretary of the Treasury understands (or obeys.)

Pfft. Johnny-Come-Latelies and survivalist wannabes. (“Sur-wannabes” we call them. Or something.)

Friday Roundup: Rip Off at Bob’s, Ripped Off by Cameras, Keller’s Stumbling & More

Bob of Bob’s Chop House has been indicted for the theft of $300,000. Can I bring charges for the theft of $20 for a side dish of mediocre asparagus?

This story about how much green city red light cameras are generating (or losing, in a few places) doesn’t mention the lawsuit against the city of Dallas’ red light camera operator, which will likely result in their abolition in Dallas. Nor does it mention that there’s basically no penalty if you refuse to pay the $75 fine the cameras generate. (Hint, hint.)

Want to see some ironic justice? Take a look at Judge Sharon Keller’s sworn responses to charges by the Commission of Judicial Misconduct.

I’m not saying I don’t get the other side, but the city moved to the hunters, the hunters didn’t move to the city. And I’m suspicious of any legislation that comes with the plead of “Won’t you think of the children?”