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Captain Sully Doesn’t Want TSA Groping His Junk, Either

November 16, 2010 By Trey Garrison 4 Comments

And this is a man with a pair on him that clang like church bells, they’re so big.

So the TSA says if you don’t want to step into the we-can-see-you-naked x-ray machine, you’ve got to let a gloved TSA employee run a hand over your lady or gentleman parts, all in the name of airport security.

But wait! In steps every American’s favorite pilot, the Hudson splash-landing hero of Flight 1549 fame, Sully Sullenberger, to say, you know what? Keep your hands to yourselves. “I can tell you from my perspective as an airline pilot for three decades, this just isn’t an effective use of our resources.”

Sully gracefully glided into the story just as the cable nets were whipping themselves into a junk-touching frenzy over the camera phone video of passenger John Tyner’s run in with the TSA at San Diego’s airport, telling agents he considered the uber-sensitive search to be, essentially, a sexual assault, advising agents (and creating a phrase that pays) “don’t touch my junk.”

Filed Under State Security, TSA Brownshirts

Friday Replay: It’s Not About My Goddamn Shoes

November 12, 2010 By Trey Garrison 4 Comments
Safety and service.

Your TSA: Safety and service.

The TSA is now full of pedophiles and perverts who grope or leer at naked pictures of men, women and children.

I go back to a rant I wrote a year ago.

The public…who give over their most precious possessions – their dignity, their self-respect, their rights, their spirit – all because those won’t fit in the overhead compartment. They give over what can’t be returned. Say thank you. Bow.

Here’s the original. With a full middle digit straight to the TSA.

UPDATE: If you’re traveling Nov. 24, go to this site and do this. Opt out and overwhelm the system. Free American citizens should not have to surrender their dignity to fly.

Filed Under TSA Brownshirts

The Line Must Be Drawn Here

October 21, 2010 By Trey Garrison 2 Comments

It’s too much to hope this is the start of an “I am Spartacus” movement, but this ExpressJet pilot shows us how we should all deal with the pickpockets and gorilla gropers who constitute the TSA, which now wants nudie pictures of you before you can board.

He. Said. No.

CNN) — A pilot who refused to submit to a full-body scan or the alternative pat down going through airport security said the procedures violate his imagesrights.

Michael Roberts, a pilot for ExpressJet Airlines, refused a full-body scan last week at a Transportation Security Administration check point at Memphis International Airport in Memphis, Tennessee.

Opting out of scanning is permitted, but those who opt out must receive an enhanced pat down from a TSA employee.

“Pat down is misleading,” Roberts said. “They concentrate on the area between … the upper thighs and torso, and they’re not just patting people’s arms and legs, they’re grabbing and groping and prodding pretty aggressively.”

Roberts said TSA security measures are ineffective, and cited concerns for his rights and privacy in refusing the procedures.

“I was trying to avoid this assault on my person, and I’m not willing to have images of my nude body produced for some stranger in another room to look at either,” Roberts told CNN.

Full story here.

Here’s the best part, TSA’s rationale.

The TSA said in a statement that “security is not optional” and any person who refuses security screening is not allowed to fly.

“TSA’s responsibility is to keep the traveling public safe and we use an unpredictable variety of security techniques to carry out this mission,” the statement said.

“Crew members have access to sensitive areas of both airports and airplanes, making it necessary for all crew members to be subject to multiple layers of security.”

The pilot doesn’t need to smuggle on nail clippers or a Glock. He sits behind the wheel of a multi-ton, turbine powered, 400 mph guided missile.

Captain Michael Roberts, badass of the week, shows us how we can all take back our dignity.

Filed Under Civil Wrongs, Creepy Guys in the Park, Fort Awesome, TSA Brownshirts

Repeat After Me: None of Your Business. Am I Free To Go?

September 9, 2010 By Trey Garrison 3 Comments

My love of the TSA and the mouth-breathing pickpockets and gropers is widely known.images

So it should come to you as no surprise this guy — also a Reason contributor –  is my new man crush for how he handled overbearing Customs and Border Protection agents.

“Why were you in China?” asked the passport control officer, a woman with the appearance and disposition of a prison matron.

“None of your business,” I said.

Her eyes widened in disbelief.

“Excuse me?” she asked.

“I’m not going to be interrogated as a pre-condition of re-entering my own country,” I said.

This did not go over well. She asked a series of questions, such as how long I had been in China, whether I was there on personal business or commercial business, etc. I stood silently.

Read his whole encounter here.

Filed Under Liberty, Meddlesome Scolds, State Security, TSA Brownshirts

Chip, chip, chip…

January 8, 2010 By Trey Garrison 18 Comments

Picture 1Serious question: How long before 1) these things are cheap enough and 2) people are so used to them that they appear on street corners in cities where the Second Amendment has been nullified?

Also, do you really think the software for these things will stagnate, so that no one develops a way to turn the X-ray looking image into a full-blown nude picture of you?

Just asking.

Filed Under Friendly Police State, TSA Brownshirts

Here Are the Unredacted, Secret TSA Screening Guidelines

December 8, 2009 By Trey Garrison 7 Comments

Courtesy your friendly incompetent TSA. Don’t abuse them, kids.

TSA Screening Guidelines

(Betcha can’t wait til they put medical records online.)

Filed Under Culture Jamming, TSA Brownshirts

Now the Mainstream is Catching On About the TSA Brownshirts

July 3, 2009 By Trey Garrison 4 Comments

Thanks to an alert reader, I see the Wall Street Journal is sitting up an taking notice about the TSA’s groping apes.

Sweet.

You tasted my venom on the subject here last week.

Also of note, it’s hard to find and not the best writing in the world — story suffers from political points, but the political points are good. Anyway, there’s a book called Black Arrow, and the high point of the book is a scene where a war vet with bad knees is humiliated by the no-class TSA brownshirts. He’s finally had enough, and he follows one into the terminal men’s room and, in a brilliantly written, gritty scene, the vet uses his bare hands to…give terminal a new meaning.

It’s heartwarming.

Filed Under TSA Brownshirts